Starting kindergarten: morning scenes, crying...

STARTING KINDERGARTEN: MORNING SCENES, CRYING... 7 TIPS ON HOW TO GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER

Your kindergartener has their first day in a completely new situation behind them – at kindergarten. But what if it didn't go as you imagined? What if it looks like reluctance and anger will now become a regular part of your mornings? What if your child won't let you leave kindergarten when you're leaving and cries, their tummy hurts in the evening, and they don't want to get out of bed in the morning?

Maybe you carefully prepared for this big change over the summer. Maybe you were convinced that your child was really looking forward to kindergarten and that there would be no problem with you. Or you simply just wanted to wait and see how the situation developed.

But what to do if things don't look entirely rosy for you yet? First, try to empathize with your child as much as possible. You'll help your child most by trying to really understand them. Don't pressure them, give them time, don't expect results immediately.

It sounds simple, but sometimes it's really hard. It's a demanding situation not only for the child, but also for us parents. Through all your own emotions, don't forget that the child isn't doing this to spite you, that they're not spoiled or badly behaved. Some children just have it this way.

Remember that every child is different – one goes to kindergarten with a smile from day one, another needs a week for that, another even a month or longer. None of this is wrong. Your role mainly consists of being a guide for your child during this difficult period.

How to do it? What's stated above applies, in combination with how you feel is most appropriate for both of you. When you don't know what to do, here are 7 tips on how to support your child during difficult kindergarten adjustment. 

1. DON'T LET YOURSELF BE THROWN OFF BY YOUR DOUBTS OR THE LOOKS OF OTHERS – IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM, IT'S ABOUT YOU!

Don't blame yourself that your child cries in kindergarten in the morning while others manage it with a smile. It's no failure and it doesn't mean anything. And if it means something, it's just that every child is different. Yours is a bit more sensitive, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Maybe you yourself are more sensitive too and feel like crying too. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either! (If that's the case though, we definitely recommend "postponing" your tears until out of your kindergartener's sight...). Simply don't let yourself be thrown off by the looks of other parents at all. It doesn't matter at all what they think. You and your child are the important ones here now.

Do everything so that you both feel good in it. No one knows better than you whether your child is ready for kindergarten or not. No one can dictate to you exactly how the first days should go. There is no one single correct way. Simply behave according to how you feel and what possibilities you have. Thanks to this, you'll gain the conviction that within your possibilities you're simply doing the best. Try to be as calm and positive as possible, even if in reality you're far from it. You'll see that your child will return it to you like a mirror.

At the same time, try to make every morning and the journey to kindergarten as pleasant as possible. Don't go to kindergarten at the last minute and when you arrive at kindergarten, already start your departure ritual. I know it's hard, but try not to unnecessarily prolong the goodbye at kindergarten. At the same time, never try to avoid it and never try to sneak away inconspicuously. Sometimes it may seem like the easiest solution, but try to imagine how you would feel if the person you trust most in the world did the same to you...

2. ADAPT TO THE SITUATION, DON'T LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN IT, AND LOOK FOR SOLUTIONS.

Check with the kindergarten how your child behaves after your departure and also during the day at kindergarten. This will tell you how "serious" the situation actually is. Does your child cry for a long time or calm down after a while? Do they engage in play with others or spend time alone? Are they chatty or quiet? Do any other specific things during the day make them cry? Do they eat or not touch the food at all?

According to this information, then try to adapt your situation and look for solutions. It's quite likely that if the child is cheerful and fine just a few minutes after your departure, it's mainly about habit. If it's not like that, the child will probably need a bit more help.

I also highly recommend a simple (but so powerful!) "trick" – simply ask your child what would help them. Maybe your child needs to hug you for a longer time before leaving for the classroom. So set aside time for that and do it. Maybe it would help your child to take their favorite stuffed animal to kindergarten with them. So arrange it with the teacher and give it to them.

If that unhappy little bundle can't think of anything (Well, except for - never go to kindergarten again... :)), then try to come up with something together. One inconspicuous little thing helped us too. Every day I drew a small picture on the children's hands and made up a short story about it. Sometimes a heart (signifying how much I love them), sometimes a little car (which we'll take on a trip in the afternoon), other times a butterfly (which we'll chase together in the meadow after kindergarten)... and I drew the same picture on myself. We agreed that when any of us is sad, we'll press that picture and send each other a hug... This, in combination with our calendar, which answers the most important question for children - "how often and when will they be at kindergarten", helped the most. It's not always necessary to immediately comfort or calm the child, instead you can be together in it somehow.

3. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ARRANGE AT KINDERGARTEN EXACTLY WHAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS.

If the situation is more serious, if the child is sad even during the day, if they refuse to play, eat, definitely don't just overlook it and try to find a solution. Talk with the teacher or principal about options that would help your child specifically. Even though it may be a problem somewhere, there are still more who will meet you halfway. And even if it is a problem, don't give up after the first refusal! Look for a solution that will be feasible for both you and the kindergarten management.

Maybe you could spend some time in the classroom together with your child at first, elsewhere you could pick up your child after just two hours at first or go only in the afternoon. If you feel that something like this could help you, don't be afraid to speak up at your kindergarten.

At the same time, if your situation allows and you feel it would help, pick up your child from kindergarten right after lunch for the first few weeks. It's really very hard to be in a completely unknown environment all day alone. Just remember how long days sometimes seemed to you when you were little. Gradual habituation to kindergarten is really much easier for most children.

4. HELP YOUR CHILD UNDERSTAND WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN. DON'T LEAVE THEM IN FEAR OF WHETHER THEY'LL STAY AT KINDERGARTEN FOREVER.

Behind children's morning crying at kindergarten often lies simply that the child doesn't know what will happen or how long it will last, that they're experiencing great chaos and uncertainty. Children love order and regularity. It gives them peace. And kindergarten suddenly turns everything upside down completely. Make it clear to children when what will happen. Don't leave your child in fear of whether they'll stay at kindergarten forever.

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That's exactly why our very first calendar was created. To help my oldest son Kubík not get lost in the chaos of kindergarten days. So he would understand what will happen when, and that he can rely on the things we agree on and mark on the calendar. And most importantly, that I won't leave him in it! Our joint planning on the calendar gradually helped Kubík to anticipate. Thanks to this, he slowly found answers to questions like: How long will I be at kindergarten? When will you come for me? When will I be home with you? Why do I have to go to kindergarten again after the weekend? By seeing exactly what would happen, he gained certainty. By having all plans constantly in sight, he gradually found the lost order again. The crying didn't disappear like magic. But every evening and morning while talking by the calendar, we slowly dissolved our doubts together.
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It doesn't matter at all whether you use our calendar, weekly plan, or create your own together. What's important is that you help your child understand what will happen when. Thanks to the calendar, your little kindergartener will constantly have in sight what awaits them when. They'll see how many more times they'll go to kindergarten, who will pick them up, or what awaits them after it.

This also allows you, in the situation of difficult kindergarten adjustment, to work with your child's motivation. I absolutely don't recommend motivating your child with sweets or small gifts – although I realize that even this form can help some children bridge the crisis adjustment period. For me though – it's much better to motivate your child with shared experiences. (Which doesn't mean that as a mom of 3 children, I've never promised ice cream... :))

Promise each other and mark in the calendar everything you'll do together in the afternoon after kindergarten. Plan things that your child likes and will look forward to (swimming, a walk around town, playground, grandma...). But here applies – try to plan only what you can then fulfill.

5. DON'T PUT DOWN KINDERGARTEN IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD, TALK ABOUT IT POSITIVELY!

When starting kindergarten isn't going exactly rosy, when kindergarten is still too new for the child, when they have doubts about it, the child sees everything in a much worse light than how it really is. Don't support your child in a negative view of kindergarten. Try to avoid sentences like "Don't worry, I'll come for you as soon as possible," or "I don't feel like going to work either, but I have to." Avoid expressions that reinforce the child's conviction that kindergarten is an unpleasant matter that must be endured.

On the contrary, try to emphasize positive perception of kindergarten. Focus on what your child will appreciate most – whether it's specific friends, good food, a great playground, or singing songs.

6. EXPLAIN, THEN EXPLAIN IT AGAIN AND EVEN OVER AND OVER...

Repetition is the mother of wisdom – this isn't just a cliché, many parents will gladly endorse that sentence for you. The fact is that many things that are completely obvious to us may not be clear to children at all.

Why does a child have to start going to kindergarten? What will they do there? Why can't they stay home with you? What if you sometimes forget about them and don't pick them up? When will they be home again? These questions may seem silly to you, they may downright annoy you when you hear them over and over again. But these are things that need to be discussed with the child over and over, explained and repeated. On the way to kindergarten, in the evening before bed, during planning, simply whenever the child needs it.

7. TRUST MUST WORK BOTH WAYS – TRUST YOUR CHILD AND BEHAVE SO THAT YOUR CHILD CAN TRUST YOU.

Maybe you already know from our previous articles how important it is to trust your child. That it doesn't pay to perfectly smooth all their paths for them, that it's much better to pass responsibility to them and simply trust them that they can manage on their own. Well, it has the other side of the coin too.

Trust between you and your child must be mutual. The child needs to know that what parents promise, they also fulfill, that agreements hold. That they don't have to be afraid of anything at kindergarten, that they don't have to doubt whether you'll return for them. During more difficult kindergarten adjustment, this applies more than ever. Don't lie to your child and keep agreements. Unconditionally.

Moments that aren't easy are precisely those that move us forward the most. And even if it doesn't go easily for your child at kindergarten at first, they have you. And you'll hold them. With a sensitive approach and respect for the child, you'll definitely manage it. The child as the main actor and you as their guide. When another big challenge stands before your child in the future, they can draw strength from this experience. Moreover, they'll know deep inside that their parents won't leave them in it, that they can really rely on them. You're packing them into the world the most important thing you can give them at this moment. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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Want to help your kindergartener understand when what will happen? Then I'll be very happy if you start planning on our calendar or weekly plan. All magnets are handmade. Thanks to this, they're basically indestructible and can thus accompany your child throughout all of kindergarten and with a smaller change perhaps even school. :)
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